You're a better person when you blame yourself

This title is not meant to be click-baity.

Your life really gets so much easier when you blame yourself.

See it's all about what you give your power to.

When you're young, a lot of you get told that "oh it's not your fault, there's nothing you could have done about that." We tell that to kids who just failed a test. We tell that to teens who apply and end up getting rejected from jobs.

It's a way to protect them from feeling shame.

Because when you say that there was nothing you could have done, it lets you off the hook.

"Well, if I couldn't do any better then why should I try something different?"

"I should just keep doing the same thing and hope luck turns in my favor this time."

Kids don't have to take responsibility for things anymore. Nowadays, the situations are more like this:

  • The economy is the reason why you can't get a job. It's definitely not because you're an average student and never learned how to effectively sell yourself to an HR manager.
  • The rich and 1%ers are the reason why you're poor. And that's definitely not because you never learned how to pick up new skills to provide businesses with real value.
  • The job and money you make right now is why you're unhappy. And that's definitely not because you haven't figured out how to enjoy the people around you and the present moment.

Do you see a common theme happening?

You know these people. They're always blaming something else for being the reason why they aren't where they want to be. Maybe it's a bad boss, a shitty job, a terrible boyfriend or girlfriend.

Sometimes you indulge in these complaining sessions as well. They're fun. Being helpless to the world and complaining is the in thing to do.

But when you actually blame yourself for things you can control... well then there's magic.

You start to view failures as tests.

Every failure you experience is just a way for you to see, what went wrong, what you did right, and how you can eliminate more of the things you did wrong.

You don't blame anyone else, you just accept that it happened.

You take it upon yourself to change the world, not waiting for presidents or politicians to change the world. It's you who has the power to change things when you shoulder the blame.

Blaming yourself is taking responsibility. It insinuates that things were in your control, you just didn't pay enough attention. You could have done better, so now you know that and it's time to figure out what your next steps are.

Obviously there are some freak accidents, where it's true. You couldn't change the outcome. It was not in your control.

Don't ever feel guilty for something you couldn't stop.

But be honest with situations you can control.

Don't trick yourself into believing for one second that your life is ruled by other people.

I can bet you that you can control a lot more than you probably think. You are the king of your own domain. Once you understand how much power you have, you'll realize how powerless other people feel.

It's your job to give those people that power.

Why don't the people around you believe they can change the world like you do?

Blame yourself.

* * *

I leave you with one of my favorite clips from Rocky IV. It's a must watch.